Anxiety – The Beauty or The Beast?

Some would say anxiety is a disease but I would say it’s not, it is a condition which means it is reversible. I am a living testimony of that. I was terrified of eating with others, even with close friends. I could get panic attacks but no one noticed because I was the master at showing a proper controlled face to the world, yet my inside was like a hurricane. I developed lots of skills to make sure no one noticed. I went to the toilet, I went to get some water, and some times I just left to let the steam out of the system.

This went on for many years and it was very very exhausting and it wore me down. Or it wore something down, something that’s been part of my behaviour for a long time; the need to control things, the need to appear perfect, the need to show an exterior that said everything was fine when that was not always the case.

I think I was quite remote from people before this happened. Up on a pedestal out of reach from people, and I liked it that way. I was never questioned for being this way yet some surely could feel it. During this period I also got very severe acne that had to be treated medically. This was another thing that felt to me devastating since I relied a lot on my looks, but now I couldn’t do that anymore and I was left feeling quite miserable, yet I always kept a well managed appearance that everything was fine.

Eventually I couldn’t keep this façade up any longer so I basically said when I felt this way what was going on and the funny thing was that nothing big happened part from me feeling very relieved. Some were a bit surprised that the most social guy on earth could feel this way, but part from that no big deal really yet for me it was like the heaven’s had opened up.

These feelings of strong anxiety and panic could still arise but now I had found a way to deal with it, and what I’ve discovered over the years is that anxiety is not something real yet it can feel very real if we give it power. It wants us to think that it’s mighty and strong and we are less but it if we give it a closer look it’s naught and it vanishes, yet up until that point it has all the strength in the word just because we give it that strength. It’s like a hologram, it’s just a mirage, stop giving it power and it will cease to be.

This might sound easy and it actually is but let me explain a bit more about why anxiety can come into our system.

We are made to shine, we are made to be who we truly are and that is something we cannot eradicate or take away it’s just the way it is. Holding ourselves back, holding what we have within us back will however create a huge block in our bodies that will eventually burst in one way or another. Anxiety is just us holding ourselves back, not speaking up, not wanting to be seen, us hiding from the world. It’s a tension that we create in our bodies. Now some might feel too afraid to be who they truly are and that might be fair to say but then we have to ask ourselves why that is; are we not encouraged to be who we truly are from young, are we made to think we have to be something, do something? We all know the answer to that don’t we so then we have to educate ourselves back knowing that it’s safe again. It feels like I could go on talking about this forever, and I will keep this conversation going, this is just the beginning.

With lots of love for now,

Matts

Expressing How We Feel – A Matter of Responsibility

A few weeks ago I had my scheduled laundry time. I live in an apartment and share laundry facilities so we have to pre-book this time. So early that morning it was finally my turn and I had from seven to twelve to make it happen… Everything was going as planned until I noticed that someone had sneaked in to put their laundry in a machine I wasn’t using at the time.

First I was quite cool with it, but then I felt it wasn’t all ok, so I decided to leave a little note – loving enough but firm. I felt confident to bring the truth of what I felt – not rock solid – but strong enough.

Then I saw through the window that it was my neighbour just across and I felt a bit like “Oh no, but I really like that person” – and that made me realise something very important…

Do I hold back expressing what I feel is the truth to people I happen to favour?

And if so, why is that? Is there a fear of losing them if I express how I truly feel? Is there a fear of being rejected? Maybe it’s more comfortable to express when it feels ‘safe’ and I have nothing to lose, so to speak. But that doesn’t really feel like an honest approach when it comes to relationships between people, and it doesn’t feel like an honest approach to life.

Furthermore, it brought to me an understanding that expanded the meaning and importance of expression…

It made me realise that when I feel like expressing something, it’s not for me to judge or assess whether I should express, because it’s not for me to hold onto.

And all of this, what I experienced this morning, brings to me a bigger understanding of life and our true purpose. It also showed me a more whole way of being with others, as I realise that what I feel isn’t for me to hold on to, but for someone else who has asked for it.

Sometimes, someone might be stuck in a pattern and might need to hear something to be shaken out of it, and if I hold back from expressing what I feel, I’m actually keeping them from evolving from something they might have already felt deep down is not true.

It also exposed that I make it about me when I question whether I should express or not.

So in my case, what happened this morning was a great opportunity to explore what it’s like to express when I feel the impulse to, and not hold back.

Enough times I’ve done that – holding back from expressing what I feel – and when I do that it feels like something is left in my body that is not mine. When I do express on the other hand, it’s such a freedom and my body feels much more spacious and alive.

Even if I allowed what I felt to be expressed this morning I realise that it will take some time to get used to it. I can admit there were doubts as to whether I should say it or not but this time I kept with the feeling and stood by it.

My fellow mate in the washing room seemed a bit reluctant in taking in what I shared with her though. I realise that it will take some time for us all to develop a true sense of communicating, since we basically communicate with a measured level of comfort to not have things come up that might be there to address.

What I experienced was a language that is not for the ears to hear but for the heart to feel and it really feels like the language of brotherhood – of humanity coming together as one – since its impulse is to make things work that aren’t truly working.

So when the silent asking is there next time I’ll do my best to stick with it because it’s worth it!

Deeply inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

By Matts Josefsson, Säter, Sweden

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Om Rädselpropaganda & Mediers Ansvar

När vi läser artiklar och dess rubriker kan vi börja inse hur lätt det är för medierna att spela oss exakt dit de vill ha oss. Den senaste tiden har jag läst mycket om “Ryssen”, hur de vill ge sken av att vi kommer kanske inom någon överskådlig framtid eventuellt att bli invaderade av Ryssland, as if. Rädsla är det farligaste som finns. När vi är rädda sätter vi upp vår guard, redo att försvara oss eller anfalla. I detta tillstånd är vi inkapabla att utvecklas så egentligen behöver det inte bli krig. Pudra oss med lite rädsla och vi kommer att gå kutryggade resten av livet – rädda och mindre benägna att vara öppna mot andra. Vi håller oss till “our kind”, stänger in oss, börjar se människor som oss och dem. Och i förlängningen är det precis detta förspel som leder till fysiska och väpnade konflikter vilket gör det så viktigt att vi är skarpsynta med vad som matas oss från medierna. Med detta som på fatet, har vi låtit oss bli påverkade eller tror vi att vi är opåverkade? Well, hur ser det ut i Sverige idag? Vilka partier röstar vi på? Är det en reflektion av människor som är fria och orädda? Nope, rädslan har nått i princip alla partier förutom kanske Feminististk Initiativ som verkar stå fast vid sin syn på att vi alla är lika. Majoriteten verkar ha smittats av rädslan och böjer och bänder på sina värderingar så de passar opinionen så att de inte skall tappa röster. Stå istället för det ni tror på och om vi väljare inte är redo för det so be it. Då vet vi i alla fall var ni står och om vi ändrar oss så vet vi var ni finns. Dessa partier finns inte idag, kanske förutom ett som jag nämnde. Så stäng inte in er själva utan fortsätt vara öppna. Låt er inte påverkas av de vansinnesdåd som sker runtom i världen. De är specifikt designade att få oss att tappa gnistan och gör vi det har de uppnått sina mål. Se det för vad det är men stäng inte igen portarna mot andra människor, det är det värsta som kan hända, då har de verkligen vunnit. Vi måste bli lite mer medvetna om vad som sker och inte bara läsa löpsedlarna och förfasas. Rädsle propagandan är inte ny, den har funnits länge och är väl känd – och de som håller i trådarna vet exakt hur de kan manipulera massan dit de vill. Så observera vad som händer, känn efter vad som händer och bli inte indragen i den emotionella turbulensen, det är precis vad de vill.

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